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No, My Name is Patrick

With a pink belly and tastefully worn lime green shorts, Patrick Star is clearly one of the funniest cartoon characters of our generation. He is also one of the dumbest. To commemorate Patrick's day on Spongebob Week here on YTV, we've put together the Top 15 dumbest moments from our favourite starfish.


15. It's a Giraffe!

To start, we have Patrick laughing hysterically at what is clearly a rhino. Er, Elephant. We don't know what's dumber, the fact that he's laughing so hard at a bubble, or the fact that he's laughing at a "giraffe." We all know that giraffes are one of the least funny animals.

14. Touch

You ever had that friend/brother/sister who just can't stop touching things? It drives everyone crazy, and telling the toucher off usually just makes him or her want to do it even more. Patrick IS that friend/brother/sister, and no matter how many warnings, it always ends with a security guard escorting someone out of the building.


13. Inner Machinations...and Milk

 "The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma." ...What? Translated as "my mind works mysteriously," we're suprirsed Patrick could even string that sentence together. After all, we quckly find out that his inner machinations turn out to be...spilt milk.


12. Plants for Hire

"Liar, Liar....plants for hire!" This marks one of the many times Patrick misheard a word, phrase or saying. We admit, "plants for hire" sounds a bit cooler than "pants on fire," but it's still pretty dumb, and is why it comes in at #12

11, I'm Squidward

Convinced that's it's Opposite Day, Patrick tries to copy Squidward, which in his mind, is a fake nose and dumb dance. Be warned, listening to this for more than 30 seconds is guaranteed to drive you or a loved one crazy.

10. 500 Challenges

Patrick seems very convinced that SpongeBob can handle King Neptune - dumbly raising the challenge count, even as continues to get electrocuted. This culminates in Patrick leaping from 3 to 500(!) challenges. Thankfully for SpongeBob it only ended up being one. Patrick's very lucky too, as he'd still be getting zapped today if the 500 challenges held up.


9. Moving, The Easy Way



Somehow, we think Patrick wouldn't go far as a city architect. Patrick's suggestion of moving the whole city of Bikini Bottom is so ridiculous and moronic that...well, they actually end up using it later in the episode. Bad things usually happen when Patrick's idea turns out to be the best one.

8. We Have Technology

This was the scene that taught a whole generation how to properly remove wet paint from money - by smashing it with technology. Interestingly, it also taught our parents how to properly use a computer when Youtube or Facebook doesn't open correctly.

7. May I take your Hat, Sir

One's squid's dignified manner is another starfish's talk for weenies. Patrick's exaggerated actions are dumb enough, but why is he wearing an army hat? And why are his eyelashes suddenly so lush and dainty?


We've seen Patrick get mad for dumb reasons over the years, but this may be the worst. When Spongebob erases the first three letter of Patrick's name, Pa...er, Rick gets the angriest he's ever been. We all know your real name, Rick, and get so mad over erasing a nametag is pretty dumb.

5. Wumbology 101

We really wish Wumbo was a word - it sounds better than jumbo - but sadly, it's not. This doesn't stop Patrick from listing out all tenses of Wumbo, in the same manner you'd do in English class. Though it may be dumb, wouldn't we all enroll in Wumbology if it existed?

4. The Ugly Barnacle

The greatest epic ever written: the Ugly Barnacle. This might be the single funniest thing Patrick's said. The story is dumb, it makes Spongebob feel even worse, and has a twist ending so stupid it's almost smart.


3. Leedle-leee

We're getting really dumb in the Top 3. At this point, Patrick's just shouting nonesone, which is not only hilarious, but dumb. Taking howling to mean shouting "Leedle Leedle Lee," Patrick AGAIN seems to mistake an animal (see #15), though we not sure what "Leedle" is supposed to represent. If you ever want to annoy your friends, just rain Leedles on them withouth interruption.

2. This. Is. Patrick.

The "Who's On First" of our age. When given a job at the Krusty Krab, Patrick proves unfit for even the simple task of answering phones. Mr. Star really hates being called the Krusty Krab (even worse than Rick), and gets angry every time a poor customer calls and tries to place an order. This is easily one of the dumbest things we've ever seen on TV, but nothing compares to #1...

1. The Greatest Instrument known to the Sea...Mayonnaise

"Is mayonnaise an instrument?" With this line, a cartoon legend was born. The sheer stupidity of this is incredible. Why would mayo be an instrument? And why would you want to play it? It'd be so messy. The fact that Patrick is also about to ask if horseradish is an instrument confirms just how...not smart he is. This might be the dumbest thing we've ever heard, and it is, without a doubt, the dumbest moment ever for Patrick.

Thanks for reading - we feel dumber having read it, and we hope you do too!

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