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posted:
6/19/2011 11:28:04 AM
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Mayhem
rank: 1516
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Simple post it up & we will critique it even though your already amazing enough.
My Fault
Chorus:
I know
I pushed you away.
Because you mean more to me then the Day.
I'm sorry for what I had done
But I didn't understand
Why or how
I loved you so much
I... just couldn't explain
And I didn't want to ever be left alone
Maybe, I was too stubborn thought it wouldn't work
Baby I want you now more than ever.
And if I can't have you
I want to you know
I always have loved you
And this thing was...my fault.
Thats what I have so far. It's about a girl who has a guy that is head-over-heels-in-love with her but she just didn't want to seem ridiculous so she treated him terrible & made him hurt like crazy. And now she realized to try to apologize & explain to him why she was like that and for the frist time he has finally left hurt because his heart hurt too much. And she didn't want him when she could've had him & now he's gone and she wants him but she can't have him because he's through with being hurt. Picture it being a reverse version of white horse & your not sorry by taylor swift because this time its the girl hurting the guy. I got it from a vision(premonition) thing based on a relationship I've been observing currently but this is the future of that relationship. You can take it two ways either he left or he got killed and she is sitting by his dead body in the rain after the battle wondering what she had done(like Romeo & Juliet). It's meant to be a slower song.
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Simple post it up & we will critique it even though your already amazing enough.
My Fault
Chorus:
I know
I pushed you away.
Because you mean more to me then the Day.
I'm sorry for what I had done
But I didn't understand
Why or how
I loved you so much
I... just couldn't explain
And I didn't want to ever be left alone
Maybe, I was too stubborn thought it wouldn't work
Baby I want you now more than ever.
And if I can't have you
I want to you know
I always have loved you
And this thing was...my fault.
Thats what I have so far. It's about a girl who has a guy that is head-over-heels-in-love with her but she just didn't want to seem ridiculous so she treated him terrible & made him hurt like crazy. And now she realized to try to apologize & explain to him why she was like that and for the frist time he has finally left hurt because his heart hurt too much. And she didn't want him when she could've had him & now he's gone and she wants him but she can't have him because he's through with being hurt. Picture it being a reverse version of white horse & your not sorry by taylor swift because this time its the girl hurting the guy. I got it from a vision(premonition) thing based on a relationship I've been observing currently but this is the future of that relationship. You can take it two ways either he left or he got killed and she is sitting by his dead body in the rain after the battle wondering what she had done(like Romeo & Juliet). It's meant to be a slower song.
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posted:
6/19/2011 1:44:30 PM
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Mayapple
rank: 429
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OMG I loved all of your old songwriting forums Hockey!
Here's my song:
Fearless
Verse 1:
I'm lookin'
lookin' for fun
makin' sure that everything is done
gettin' a chance
takin' it now
life is so p-perfect
Pre-Chorus:
I step in
nothin' on my mind
I'm ready
oh oh oh
Chorus:
I'm fearless
tryin' my best
feelin' that feelin'
(better than the rest)
fearless
your drawin' me in...
it's so great
it's fearless
Verse 2:
different things effect my mind
that's for sure
(I'm one in a kind)
singin' my song
(la la la la laa)
[Chorus]
Bridge:
And now I ain't
steppin' back.............
oh oh I'm back on track............
[Chorus]
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OMG I loved all of your old songwriting forums Hockey!
Here's my song:
Fearless
Verse 1:
I'm lookin'
lookin' for fun
makin' sure that everything is done
gettin' a chance
takin' it now
life is so p-perfect
Pre-Chorus:
I step in
nothin' on my mind
I'm ready
oh oh oh
Chorus:
I'm fearless
tryin' my best
feelin' that feelin'
(better than the rest)
fearless
your drawin' me in...
it's so great
it's fearless
Verse 2:
different things effect my mind
that's for sure
(I'm one in a kind)
singin' my song
(la la la la laa)
[Chorus]
Bridge:
And now I ain't
steppin' back.............
oh oh I'm back on track............
[Chorus]
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posted:
6/19/2011 8:22:39 PM
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Mayhem
rank: 1516
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Still there
Oooh yeah miss those times uhuh
I can't believe
It's all over
Felt like forever in the moment
But right now I'm just happy
That I get this break for awhile
Before once again I see your cruel smile.
Chorus:
You say it's all fine now
In 4 months time you'll be outta here
Away from my crazy dreams
And all my physko schemes.
When your gone then
Don't know what to do.
And after all those hilarious fights
And those two had to dance.
You may say all his pains gone
All our hatred of each other has faded away
But, It's still there yeah still there.
Verse:
Remember when you mocked the way I talked
Or how crazily out of place I am.
Or when you came by me how you walked
So fast away.
And you told him...
There may be a U and a ME in ULTIMATE
but there will never be an US-sss
Never will be one,ok
And now you realize those things don't slip away so easily
Oh yeah you may fear cats
But I'll never be far from your place
Me & my wacko face
yeahyeah
Chorus
thats all i have now.
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Still there
Oooh yeah miss those times uhuh
I can't believe
It's all over
Felt like forever in the moment
But right now I'm just happy
That I get this break for awhile
Before once again I see your cruel smile.
Chorus:
You say it's all fine now
In 4 months time you'll be outta here
Away from my crazy dreams
And all my physko schemes.
When your gone then
Don't know what to do.
And after all those hilarious fights
And those two had to dance.
You may say all his pains gone
All our hatred of each other has faded away
But, It's still there yeah still there.
Verse:
Remember when you mocked the way I talked
Or how crazily out of place I am.
Or when you came by me how you walked
So fast away.
And you told him...
There may be a U and a ME in ULTIMATE
but there will never be an US-sss
Never will be one,ok
And now you realize those things don't slip away so easily
Oh yeah you may fear cats
But I'll never be far from your place
Me & my wacko face
yeahyeah
Chorus
thats all i have now.
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posted:
6/20/2011 4:38:43 PM
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Ah-MAY-Zing
rank: 2563
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I'm working on a song right now, and it is one of the begining stages. Because the lyrics will probably change I cannot release it all. but here is some of it:
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
if anyone wants to try and built on that, it would be most appreciated. 
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I'm working on a song right now, and it is one of the begining stages. Because the lyrics will probably change I cannot release it all. but here is some of it:
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
if anyone wants to try and built on that, it would be most appreciated.
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posted:
6/20/2011 9:14:29 PM
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Mayhem
rank: 1516
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Aww jinxy/sarah I love your song. It makes me think about magic(but thats the only thing i ever think bout'
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Aww jinxy/sarah I love your song. It makes me think about magic(but thats the only thing i ever think bout'
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posted:
6/21/2011 5:17:46 PM
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Ah-MAY-Zing
rank: 2563
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sorry daisy... but i had to try.. It was my mildest song, since I write for a death metal band.
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sorry daisy... but i had to try.. It was my mildest song, since I write for a death metal band.
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posted:
6/26/2011 8:27:47 PM
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Ah-MAY-Zing
rank: 2262
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I just posted this one in the Poem Forum actually.
And yes, I realize it's bad compared to my old stuff, but give me a break: I'm out of practice, plus I pulled this together in 10 minutes with next to no inspiration, haha!
!@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*()
"Two Is Better Than One"
Take it back five years to '08
To those days when I first saw your face
You were nothin' special;
Not even a high school grad
It took sometime, for me to see all you had
And then we grew...
Through all these years together
But then you left,
And now all I'm thinkin' is,
"Baby come back,
Cuz I'm alone and I'm so scared
All these lies and heartbreaks,
Make me feel so unprepared-
For the world;
For everything to come
But baby it would be easier,
If you were here, cuz,
Two is better than one"
As the days grew longer,
All our time grew shorter
And it scared me to know what was sure to come
I knew our days were numbered;
Time was shorter
And soon I heard those words:
"You have to go,"
But now all I'm sayin' is,
"Baby come back,
Cuz I'm alone and I'm so scared
All these lies and heartbreaks,
Make me feel so unprepared-
For the world;
For everything to come
But baby it would be easier,
If you were here, cuz,
Two is better than one"
I know they said you had to go
But baby, couldn't you have just said no?
Cuz now I'm all alone;
No one can fill this void that you left,
And I'm so scared:
All these things people say;
They leave me unprepared
For all this time; all this future sure to come
And baby it would be easier if you were here,
Cuz I'm sure;
Yes baby I'm sure:
Two is better,
Two is better than one
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I just posted this one in the Poem Forum actually.
And yes, I realize it's bad compared to my old stuff, but give me a break: I'm out of practice, plus I pulled this together in 10 minutes with next to no inspiration, haha!
!@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*()
"Two Is Better Than One"
Take it back five years to '08
To those days when I first saw your face
You were nothin' special;
Not even a high school grad
It took sometime, for me to see all you had
And then we grew...
Through all these years together
But then you left,
And now all I'm thinkin' is,
"Baby come back,
Cuz I'm alone and I'm so scared
All these lies and heartbreaks,
Make me feel so unprepared-
For the world;
For everything to come
But baby it would be easier,
If you were here, cuz,
Two is better than one"
As the days grew longer,
All our time grew shorter
And it scared me to know what was sure to come
I knew our days were numbered;
Time was shorter
And soon I heard those words:
"You have to go,"
But now all I'm sayin' is,
"Baby come back,
Cuz I'm alone and I'm so scared
All these lies and heartbreaks,
Make me feel so unprepared-
For the world;
For everything to come
But baby it would be easier,
If you were here, cuz,
Two is better than one"
I know they said you had to go
But baby, couldn't you have just said no?
Cuz now I'm all alone;
No one can fill this void that you left,
And I'm so scared:
All these things people say;
They leave me unprepared
For all this time; all this future sure to come
And baby it would be easier if you were here,
Cuz I'm sure;
Yes baby I'm sure:
Two is better,
Two is better than one
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posted:
7/12/2011 7:18:35 PM
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Maybe
rank: 24
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I hope you all like it I wrote this when I went to Queens University for SEEDS (no I am not in universtiy) in my Songwriting and recording class
Tell me why
Verse 1:
We were friends
for the longest time
We hung out
and we talked about
All the movies and video games that are out
We laugh at innapropriate jokes
We do math
just like everyone else
And we know that it's probably gunna pay off**
Chorus:
So why**
can't we just stay like this
Tell me why**
We just can't stay
We just can't stay like this
If your to good to stay my friend
And you can't remember when**
Then tell me... why
Verse 2:
We used to dance
And sing together
and we would continue forever
In this little piece of heaven
atleast till the clock struck seven**
Chorus x2
Please let me know what you think!
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I hope you all like it I wrote this when I went to Queens University for SEEDS (no I am not in universtiy) in my Songwriting and recording class
Tell me why
Verse 1:
We were friends
for the longest time
We hung out
and we talked about
All the movies and video games that are out
We laugh at innapropriate jokes
We do math
just like everyone else
And we know that it's probably gunna pay off**
Chorus:
So why**
can't we just stay like this
Tell me why**
We just can't stay
We just can't stay like this
If your to good to stay my friend
And you can't remember when**
Then tell me... why
Verse 2:
We used to dance
And sing together
and we would continue forever
In this little piece of heaven
atleast till the clock struck seven**
Chorus x2
Please let me know what you think!
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posted:
7/15/2011 11:11:24 AM
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Mayapple
rank: 429
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Could you guys help me finish this song?
Daydreamer
Verse 1:
The best things seemed to happen
(happen)
and make me feel good
but it all was too good to be true
Chorus:
I'm just a daydreamer, daydreamer, daydreamer.
Dreaming about you,
and her.
Always so good,
so right.
Daydreamer
woah-oh-oh
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Could you guys help me finish this song?
Daydreamer
Verse 1:
The best things seemed to happen
(happen)
and make me feel good
but it all was too good to be true
Chorus:
I'm just a daydreamer, daydreamer, daydreamer.
Dreaming about you,
and her.
Always so good,
so right.
Daydreamer
woah-oh-oh
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posted:
7/16/2011 8:44:44 AM
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Mayfly
rank: 72
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Hey guys. I was wondering if you could help me get started on writing songs. t I don't know where to start. So, I was hoping maybe you could give me some tips on how to write songs.
♥
. ♥／l、
（ﾟ､ ｡ ７
l、 ~ヽ
じしf_, )ノ Kitty
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Hey guys. I was wondering if you could help me get started on writing songs. t I don't know where to start. So, I was hoping maybe you could give me some tips on how to write songs.
♥
. ♥／l、
（ﾟ､ ｡ ７
l、 ~ヽ
じしf_, )ノ Kitty
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posted:
7/28/2011 3:33:51 PM
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Mayapple
rank: 429
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Good songs guys
Jinx, here is something to add:
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
My heart was beating too fast
when you came around
you make me feel anythin'
but safe and sound
you pulled me into sorrow
you pushed me out of grace
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
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Good songs guys
Jinx, here is something to add:
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
My heart was beating too fast
when you came around
you make me feel anythin'
but safe and sound
you pulled me into sorrow
you pushed me out of grace
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
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posted:
7/28/2011 4:12:24 PM
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Mayfly
rank: 72
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Hi guys. Its Kitty. I was wondering if you could help me with my song. Here's what I have so far.
Heartbroken
You, you left me
just standing there
And now I'm heartbroken
I'm outspoken
I'm heartbroken
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Hi guys. Its Kitty. I was wondering if you could help me with my song. Here's what I have so far.
Heartbroken
You, you left me
just standing there
And now I'm heartbroken
I'm outspoken
I'm heartbroken
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posted:
7/28/2011 4:14:28 PM
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Mayapple
rank: 429
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Hey guys. Could you help me out with this song?
Quit The Spending Spree
Verse 1:
Do you really need this
Quit the cash on that
Life ain't a spending spree
If your with me
I ain't got no 6-inch
ain't got a pile of money
Chorus:
Quit it
Quit the spending spree
or don't come with me
Look at my siggy. It's from old times, but I want to continue with the music school. This time it is just going to be that anyone can post their advice and anyone can follow it.
❀Rainbow's ♬Music♬ School❀
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Hey guys. Could you help me out with this song?
Quit The Spending Spree
Verse 1:
Do you really need this
Quit the cash on that
Life ain't a spending spree
If your with me
I ain't got no 6-inch
ain't got a pile of money
Chorus:
Quit it
Quit the spending spree
or don't come with me
Look at my siggy. It's from old times, but I want to continue with the music school. This time it is just going to be that anyone can post their advice and anyone can follow it.
❀Rainbow's ♬Music♬ School❀
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posted:
7/28/2011 4:15:39 PM
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Mayfly
rank: 72
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I'll try to add a verse to it.
Verse 1:
The best things seemed to happen
(happen)
and make me feel good
but it all was too good to be true
Chorus:
I'm just a daydreamer, daydreamer, daydreamer.
Dreaming about you,
and her.
Always so good,
so right.
Daydreamer
woah-oh-oh
Verse 2:
Sitting in class
The teacher's talking to me
I'm drifting off, I'm drifting off
You start to pop in my mind
I just can't stop thinking 'bout you
Oh woah woah
Chorus:
I'm just a daydreamer, daydreamer, daydreamer.
Dreaming about you,
and her.
Always so good,
so right.
Daydreamer
woah-oh-oh
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I'll try to add a verse to it.
Verse 1:
The best things seemed to happen
(happen)
and make me feel good
but it all was too good to be true
Chorus:
I'm just a daydreamer, daydreamer, daydreamer.
Dreaming about you,
and her.
Always so good,
so right.
Daydreamer
woah-oh-oh
Verse 2:
Sitting in class
The teacher's talking to me
I'm drifting off, I'm drifting off
You start to pop in my mind
I just can't stop thinking 'bout you
Oh woah woah
Chorus:
I'm just a daydreamer, daydreamer, daydreamer.
Dreaming about you,
and her.
Always so good,
so right.
Daydreamer
woah-oh-oh
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posted:
7/28/2011 4:23:08 PM
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Mayfly
rank: 72
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Hey Jinx! I hope you don't mind but I want to try and finish your song.
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
My heart was beating too fast
when you came around
you make me feel anythin'
but safe and sound
you pulled me into sorrow
you pushed me out of grace
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
My, my heart is beating too fast
I'm thinking our past
Oh woah woah woah
My, my heart beating too fast
I'm thinking about our past
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
I just can't stand it
I just have to quit
I just, I just can't stand
I just have to quit
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
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Hey Jinx! I hope you don't mind but I want to try and finish your song.
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
My heart was beating too fast
when you came around
you make me feel anythin'
but safe and sound
you pulled me into sorrow
you pushed me out of grace
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
My, my heart is beating too fast
I'm thinking our past
Oh woah woah woah
My, my heart beating too fast
I'm thinking about our past
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
I just can't stand it
I just have to quit
I just, I just can't stand
I just have to quit
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
I'm chained in your embrace
And everytime I see
Your face
A thousand lives are taken
a thousand hearts are breaking
And I'm stuck in your embrace
Left with out an escape
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posted:
7/29/2011 7:41:06 AM
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Mayfly
rank: 72
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Ok. I edited my a little bit. Can you help out with the verse 2 and bridge
You, you left me
just standing there
cryin'
hopin'
for somethin' to help
I cryed so many tears and I realized
now I'm heartbroken
I'm outspoken
Standing there it cross my mind
I'm torn
I'm worn
I'm heartbroken
- Show quoted text -
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Ok. I edited my a little bit. Can you help out with the verse 2 and bridge
You, you left me
just standing there
cryin'
hopin'
for somethin' to help
I cryed so many tears and I realized
now I'm heartbroken
I'm outspoken
Standing there it cross my mind
I'm torn
I'm worn
I'm heartbroken
- Show quoted text -
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posted:
11/22/2011 5:44:26 PM
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Mayhem
rank: 1516
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Guys, I'm back!!!!! So I figured I'd write a song, unlike most of my others, I've found a really great guy so its about where we are right now.
STUCK IN THIS MOMENT
Verse 1:
I can't believe this happened.
And I can't believe it's true.
I feel a little strange to have fallen for you.
You always made me laugh.
And your blue eyes are wild.
I see those sparks going crazy when we talk awhile.
So come stay next to me and you'll see
Chorus:
And suddenly its all a blur.
Cause' you put your arms around my waist
and hugged me like crazy.
I don't wanna go forward or backwards.
I love the way we are.
And don't change that to start
Stuck in this moment.
Verse 2:
Well your off to high-school and you think your so cool.
Everything has changed and I don't feel the same.
And then I wonder if you love me anymore.
It don't feel like it when I'm crying at the music room's door.
Sure I was the Hatter and you were the Rabbit.
But now your his grade 9 helper and I ain't Wonka.
Wondering how this will work out, I go back and remember
Chorus x2
Don't leave me behind baby
I love you and I know you love me.
Don't leave me for anyone else.
I ain't no trophy, I'm not sitting on your shelf
So just remember this:
We were the Hatter and the Rabbit
And we were together, messing with Root's mind
We'll always be together.
Promise me that, promise me we'll always be caught in this moment.
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Guys, I'm back!!!!! So I figured I'd write a song, unlike most of my others, I've found a really great guy so its about where we are right now.
STUCK IN THIS MOMENT
Verse 1:
I can't believe this happened.
And I can't believe it's true.
I feel a little strange to have fallen for you.
You always made me laugh.
And your blue eyes are wild.
I see those sparks going crazy when we talk awhile.
So come stay next to me and you'll see
Chorus:
And suddenly its all a blur.
Cause' you put your arms around my waist
and hugged me like crazy.
I don't wanna go forward or backwards.
I love the way we are.
And don't change that to start
Stuck in this moment.
Verse 2:
Well your off to high-school and you think your so cool.
Everything has changed and I don't feel the same.
And then I wonder if you love me anymore.
It don't feel like it when I'm crying at the music room's door.
Sure I was the Hatter and you were the Rabbit.
But now your his grade 9 helper and I ain't Wonka.
Wondering how this will work out, I go back and remember
Chorus x2
Don't leave me behind baby
I love you and I know you love me.
Don't leave me for anyone else.
I ain't no trophy, I'm not sitting on your shelf
So just remember this:
We were the Hatter and the Rabbit
And we were together, messing with Root's mind
We'll always be together.
Promise me that, promise me we'll always be caught in this moment.
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posted:
5/21/2012 6:03:31 PM
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Mayfly
rank: 72
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Could anyone give me tips on how to start writing good songs?
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Could anyone give me tips on how to start writing good songs?
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